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Remembering Arya

"We often take these beautiful beings, our best fiends who are mostly silent, for granted without realizing it. Then in the blink of an eye we realize just how much we rely on their energy being around us at any one moment. This beautiful girl, Arya, was my life long shadow, she was my very first responsibility as an adult and very quickly she became my whole world. We would walk around the various parks that were near by and always I tried to make it a point to go to Cherry Hill Park in Colorado which was her favorite place to go (where I intend to spread her ashes), it was the only place she would ever munch on grass, I called it her sweet grass. She was my reason for going up to the mountains and exploring whenever we could, or if all I had time for was a cruise around town she never hesitated to jump in the car for a ride. I went on my very first trip without her when she was 6 months old and when I got back she jumped into my arms and cried because she was so happy I had returned. I had never experienced a love like that before and it took one time to be hooked. We would lay together and she would begin licking my arm and fall asleep mid lick. I remember one time she was dreaming so hard she rolled right off the bed and jumped up to look at me like she had meant to do it. I laughed so hard I got a belly ache. Then she went to Madison river with me in Montana and I was attempting to take her water rafting with me when she wasn't able to get on the raft. I floated on down the river and she followed me beside the river bed for as long as she could. I got so scared when I couldn't see her any more and I was already in a place where the current was carrying me so there was no getting out until it slowed. As soon as I got to shore I went searching for her, it wasn't 5 minutes before I saw her trotting down the road back to where we had made camp. I cried that day, because I was afraid I had lost her and she came back to me. By then I knew I would take her with me wherever I could, we became inseparable. She was my road dog, my true Ride or Die, we did everything together, instead of clubs I was out hiking with her, instead of going to parties I was finding creative things we could do together, like throwing the tennis ball for her until she couldn't move any more. She changed my life in so many ways, more than there is space to write about here. I became depressed from the events of my own personal life and I considered the unthinkable, I became so depressed I thought seriously about suicide, then I looked at her after a failed attempt and I knew that she was my reason, if I couldn't be my reason to live, she could. It was because of Arya that I was able to leave a very abusive relationship when I felt too weak to do so on my own accord, it may sound silly yet in truth I kept it in my mind that if she was safe that was all that matter. So we packed up what would fit in my car and the two of us left and never looked back, we drown across country in 28 hours that weekend. We have gone to Mexico many times together and she was always the talk of the people we met, because she was so well behaved. While I trained her personally, Arya was a quick study and made the process super simple. We went coast to coast in a matter of 6 months and we have been living in an RV and traveling since March of 2020. Then the news came, she had cancer, the vet told me I had some time and all I could think of was no regrets. I went into care mode for her because she had done so much in my life I owed it to her to be there for her in her last days, it never once made me wonder if I made the wrong choice choosing her life for a little longer. For just shy of 15 years this gorgeous creature has been in my life and now I was told to begin saying goodbye. The question comes, how do we say goodbye when we are not ready? I didn't know and I asked people who didn't know the answer, I feel like it is so different for anyone so instead I asked how would I like someone to say goodbye to me. I would want daily massages, we did that, I would want my muscles to be stretched because of my arthritis, we did that, I would want someone to sing me songs to help me not feel so scared, we did that. It was never about doing the most, it was about doing what mattered. I picked a few songs and those where the songs I sang to her every night before bed, I would watch her fall asleep, I would cuddle with her and lay next to her, I did my ultimate best to stay as strong for her as I could. Yet in truth nothing in life lasts forever and the best things in life do not come easy nor without cost. She was the best thing that I had ever had in my life, she made the days brighter and the nights more peaceful. I paid the ultimate price because I had to say goodbye to her, with tears and a knowledge that there was going to be one last kiss, one last scratch, one last ear rub. Yet all those memories and times, all the pictures and laughs, all the goofy moments and even the tears, they were all worth getting to know this precious life for the time I was blessed with her. While I grew up having animals it wasn't until I had my own to take full responsibility for that I understood the power of their love. The love that I had with Arya was a true gift, while there are other loves that are out there, in honesty we always remember our first because it's the one that leaves the deepest paw print on our hearts. She has left a crater of a paw print behind, one that will be nearly impossible to fill, and yet I know I am all the better because of it, never once do I regret any moment, I had with her. The hardest part was putting her in her last ride, knowing that this was the last time I was going to see the physical form of her. I wanted that moment to last forever because I had grown so accustomed to her being there, near me, for so long. Now I was wishing her fair well on her next journey, wherever that was knowing that I was unable to go, she had already gone to the spirit realm, home to the Creators loving embrace and yet being the human form that I am, goodbyes feel so final and one that is not easy to embrace. As a human I cry tears of sadness and yet my heart knows she is in a better place, a place where pain and age do not exist, so the end is a bittersweet stop on the journey, yet, endings truly are a new beginning, a new beginning I am learning how to walk in a different way than I did when she was here. My beautiful mama, forever in my heart you will be and these tears I have cried so much are a true testimony to the depth of love I have for you. You will be deeply missed and never forgotten. With all my heart, forever yours, Your Human Mom."


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